About steph10700@yahoo.com

Crazy for my kiddos..in love with wine and socially alone in a new state ( Colorado from Cali ) Read on :)

How to lose family in ten easy steps 

Remember how to lose a guy in 30 days the movie ?? Come we all love with Matthew McConaughey ? Ok so here is how to lose your family and drink alone in ten easy steps not 30 days. This can be applied daily in case if emergency ( like it’s Tuesday)

1.hide bottles ..if wine careful the can smell ..hide in kitchen if wine used for cooking ..if vodka in freezer 

2. Take a long after dinner shower u can do drinks there even young children don’t bother

3.walking the dog can be a perfect opportunity to bring the “dog some water ” your drink 

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Perspective

Me : sorry max my stomach is so big I cannot use ur blanket to cover up 

Max : long pause…r u full ?

Me : yes 

Max : then u r lucky to have a full big belly some people don’t have enough food mom and would be so happy to be fat 

Me : agreed max ..and did u just call me fat 

Max ( tiny laughter ) I did not think that I swear !!

Lol good perspective though kiddo and thanks for the reminder

wtf 40’s

The day I turned 40 I WTF ‘ed all over the place. Seems has gotten worse.

What the fuck is this red mark on my leg ?? Veins ? A permanent bruise ? A STRETCH MARK ?? Annd can u wear coverup on ur legs ?

What the fuck is a tutorial for make up application and ( hanging my head ) I might need it

What the fuck is this coarse hair and why is it spreading across my chin ? ( funny story while getting my eyebrows waxed the “sweet ” oriental lady told me she would give me a discount on an entire face waxing ….yes an entire face waxing ….have to admit I cried a little that day )

What the fuck is that child wearing ?? A 12 year old should not dress that way !!( turns out she is 22)

What the fuck is this ? You call this a martini ?? Hunny i have been drinking for 20 years now its gotta burn my nose hairs going down to be good.

What the fuck I cannot be old enough for a mammogram ? That’s for old silver haired people …speaking of which ….here’s hoping the silver fox look is trending this fall

What the fuck celery was on sale LAST week ( the fact that I care frightens  me ) and now its over a buck !

What the fuck is everyone doing out at 9pm ….and on the contrary why are there not more people on the road going to the gym at 5 am ? I mean sleep ?? Too old for that !

 

As a 40 year old women :

I can no longer get ready in 10 mins

I wear spanks

The wildest shoes I own are red vans

I cannot FATHOM paying full price for drinks ( #happyhour)

I shop around for wrinkle cream -LIKE SHOP AROUND and believe the info commercials

Dinner excites me

The thought of dating exhausts me

Slow people irritate me

 

LAST month I was 36 ..skinnier and had pretty hair ..wtf just happened ?? Oh that’s right WTF forty happened and as I put on my reading glasses to post this ..there is no turning back !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so long ,long long year

Wow I haven’t written in so long that I forgot my username and password. Apparently my WordPress account privacy is very important because I had an easier time registering Max for school then getting into this account . SO here we are :

This year has been challenging not even gonna lie . Looking forward to 2016 and not looking back . I’ve learned ( learning ) that looking back is a pity party I can so easily attend. (the visual I try to remember is I’m swimming in the ocean and seaweed is everywhere -I am irritated as it brushes against me however I keep swimming forward NOT backwards to get away and eventually there is clear water and stillness and I am at peace.)

I have some wishes ( dare I say prayers ) for 2016 ..fuck maybe just for life :

-I pray for David and Max’s happiness and that they laugh more.

-I pray for sleep (seriously )

-I pray for closure

-As Sex and The City so eloquently put it -my friends become my soul mates ( they already are just took some unfortunate situations for me to be reminded of this )

-I pray ( wish ) for the peace to live in the moment not a million miles ahead and not a million miles behind.

-I wish this to be 100 % true :

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-I wish for adventures for all I know .

 

Any resolutions ? Yes a zillion and three ..hahhahaha ..:) what about you ?

Have a wonderful week all !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And when I was a kid

Is there anything more annoying than the “when I was a kid ” statements ..no there is not ..so I must join in ..

I was looking at the cutest fresh eyed faces the other day of teenagers ..god they are adorable …ya know what I instantly thought ?? ( #imoldnow) ..

When I was kid …

Freedom was my bicycle..not free wifi so I can play angry birds and my parents wont bitch about data minutes

My first job was a fantastic privilege where I wanted to do so good and earn my own money..not omg how sad your parents are making you “get a job instead of focusing on schoolwork ” ( WE DID BOTH BTW..it is possible ..)

EVERYTHING in the house belonged to my parents ..the TV my room my clothes ..none of this well it is yours ..they bought owned it and it could be taken away..”until you are 18 it is all mine dont you forget it ” was spoken often

I knew my friends loved me because they hung out with me ..I didnt gage my social status on a like on social media

TV in my room ?? LMFAO ….you get 30 mins on sat AM ” be happy you get that some kids dont at all ”

Birthday parties were this ..YAY we get hang with our friends and eat cake ..not “princess parties ” or where ur fav super hero shows up ..the entertainment WAS YOUR FRIENDS eating cake with you and playing pin the tail on the donkey ( if u were lucky )

NO TEENAGER would curse infront of adults because you would have 18 parents that all would beat your ass ..AND THAT WOULD BE OK ..infact encouraged ..

Underwear hanging out of your pants ?? this would be along the same line as peeing ur pants in school ..your peers would make sure this never happened ..

AND on that note ..baseball caps were worn as “i play for this team ” or ” i love his team ” NOT with the tag still on hanging sideways as a “fashion statement ”

Your parents were embarrassing and strict and made you eat your veggies NOT your friend who took you to a Taylor Swift concert at age 8 only to do a horrid “selfie” with eight of your friends.

If you were 12 and dressed like you were a las vegas hooker you were a slut not “a fashionista”

Miss behaving in public was not because you had “add adhd ocd ” it was because you were being an asshole and hell hath no furry like a parent embarrassed in public.

I was raised to respect myself by having boundaries I knew, love I had and respect for the world around me ..

I can ONLY hope my kids get that too…ok rant over ..am I that old already ??