Me : sorry max my stomach is so big I cannot use ur blanket to cover up 

Max : long pause…r u full ?

Me : yes 

Max : then u r lucky to have a full big belly some people don’t have enough food mom and would be so happy to be fat 

Me : agreed max ..and did u just call me fat 

Max ( tiny laughter ) I did not think that I swear !!

Lol good perspective though kiddo and thanks for the reminder

wtf 40’s

The day I turned 40 I WTF ‘ed all over the place. Seems has gotten worse.

What the fuck is this red mark on my leg ?? Veins ? A permanent bruise ? A STRETCH MARK ?? Annd can u wear coverup on ur legs ?

What the fuck is a tutorial for make up application and ( hanging my head ) I might need it

What the fuck is this coarse hair and why is it spreading across my chin ? ( funny story while getting my eyebrows waxed the “sweet ” oriental lady told me she would give me a discount on an entire face waxing ….yes an entire face waxing ….have to admit I cried a little that day )

What the fuck is that child wearing ?? A 12 year old should not dress that way !!( turns out she is 22)

What the fuck is this ? You call this a martini ?? Hunny i have been drinking for 20 years now its gotta burn my nose hairs going down to be good.

What the fuck I cannot be old enough for a mammogram ? That’s for old silver haired people …speaking of which ….here’s hoping the silver fox look is trending this fall

What the fuck celery was on sale LAST week ( the fact that I care frightens  me ) and now its over a buck !

What the fuck is everyone doing out at 9pm ….and on the contrary why are there not more people on the road going to the gym at 5 am ? I mean sleep ?? Too old for that !


As a 40 year old women :

I can no longer get ready in 10 mins

I wear spanks

The wildest shoes I own are red vans

I cannot FATHOM paying full price for drinks ( #happyhour)

I shop around for wrinkle cream -LIKE SHOP AROUND and believe the info commercials

Dinner excites me

The thought of dating exhausts me

Slow people irritate me


LAST month I was 36 ..skinnier and had pretty hair ..wtf just happened ?? Oh that’s right WTF forty happened and as I put on my reading glasses to post this ..there is no turning back !