I love stand up comedians ..Dave and I share this love that few people do ..
Thought I would share some of my fav’s and their quotes :
Happy Sunday !
I am adopting Max’s eating habits or diet plan ..should be down 100 pounds in days ..
The rules are simple :
List of “yucky unacceptable food to eat ”
-Spaghetti of any kind ..infact noodles are the devil. Macaroni and cheese should never be requested or offered it is NOT a “kid food ” and should never under an circumstances be considered as such. UNLESS you are at Red Robin then the macaroni and cheese is the best ever .
-Casseroles or like textures should be avoided at all costs -neigh run from pretending to vomit.
-Soups are not only a “waste of time because you are not eating you are drinking ” they are also too hot -at all times-no they never cool down -ever.
-Avoid sandwiches at all costs unless you are forced to eat OR you go to a sandwich shop then eat an entire foot-long because everyone knows sandwiches from home just “don’t cut it ” .
-Mash potatoes fall along the lines of the “casserole texture” icky ..this includes rice that comes from anywhere other than Chinese or Thai restaurants.
-A hot dog is only deemed acceptable at baseball games -a stadium is required.
-Tacos are only good for the meat and cheese inside ..BTW the more time one takes to make the “shells ” perfect the worse they are .
Acceptable foods :
-Pizza ( this may change without warning ) and only cheese and only thin crust and only cold leftover the next AM.
-The only fruit to eat is apples, applesauce or cantaloupe-ever-period. Please remember you must claim you have tried every other fruit ever grown ( they don’t know what you eat at school -or work whatever the case may be )
-Veggies of all kinds are good except celery which is reminiscent to “hair”. And tomatoes which are “eyeballs that are red. ”
-Steak-ideally eaten daily for breakfast,lunch and dinner and please remember it must literally be mooing to enjoy.
-Meats of all kinds -sauces will not be tolerated and “ruin ” all meat.
-Eggs all except hard boiled, which is cruel to eat because it is a “baby ” chicken ..however scrambled,fried etc are not -please “get the facts straight” .
-Yogurt of all kinds is fabulous and should be considered an entire meal.
-Rice cakes are another yummo and again should be considered an entire meal ..OHH and NEVER ever put anything on them ..if you should happen to accidentally the entire rice cake is tainted and must be thrown away.
-Chocolate milk is VERY healthy and should be drank as much as possible ..this is not to be considered a dessert -ever.
-Water is the best drink ever ( GOOD JOB MAX )
-If no one “bugs ” you remember eating once a day or once every other day is completely normal and healthy.
I may be starting this diet soon -I am wondering if I should do before and after pics ..LOL…
OHH and dont get me started on his work-out plan :
Happy Happy Tuesday Everyone ..
Cheers ( its 5 o’clock somewhere )
And smiles ( how can you not ?? )
love to all 🙂
Some fun grateful reminders :
Thank you snow ..you are teaching me to conquer my fears of driving in you.
Thank you second job that will help me pay for my car and remind me that I am still young enough to do this.
Thank you grocery store for teaching me to budget and providing me the ability to make homemade food.
Thank you Wednesday for being “hump ” day and helping me remember its almost the weekend.
100 % truth :
Cutie pie :
And I get to have two cutie pies :
Thank you all of you !!
andddddd a silly !! Have a wonderful week ya’ll
OMG gem of a song ..this cracked me up ..and **** warning naughty lyrics
“Fight and you may die. Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now,would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!”
I have my freedom back :
Tips on sharing a car with your husband:
-Do not speak at 4:30AM to one another …I mean NOT A WORD.
-With the weather at -4 degrees and heavy snow do NOT give driving advice ..EVER ..shut up and hold on ..I,of course am speaking of either party.
-When deciding who is paying and pumping gas at said time in the AM and said degrees ..decide before hand ..like the night before ..fuck get it writing ..
-Whoever’s car is it is will accuse other party of one if not all of these things :
A. Wiping windows with a dirty rag thus leaving “smudges ”
B. Leaving “inappropriate ” things in car that should be taken out when arriving at home or destination. EX: Gloves , hats, and a car charger ( YES CAR CHARGER )
C. Driving too fast/slow therefore not using gas efficiently and having to fill up too often
SIDE NOTE : It is Chris’s car and I am accused of all of the above ..
-Do not dial the divorce lawyer you have (newly) in your contacts ..you may find out your significant other has the same number and an appointment before you .
Poor Chris he too has had to give his “freedom” with car sharing and has been relatively “quiet ” about his protests…send love and light our way peeps 🙂
So here is hoping I get a car this week or like yesterday ..
AND some funny Sunday’s …NOT PG 🙂
Have a wonderful week and New Year !