I dig on Max and Dave I really do …I enjoy the differences they add to this family …..I literally (lets all barf) miss them in my soul..can you imagine when Max leaves?? ( who the hell knows maybe by then I will be so old and exhausted I will just want quiet ..quiet and good Merlot ) Anyhow that being said after the whimskical laughter and holding hands through the park I have some unanswered questions for them and since my children come so far apart in age ..maybe parents of all stages can relate ?
Dear wonderful, curious, active four year old Max ,
Son lets start with the basics ..you and EVERY TODDLER on the planet need to fess up as we all want to know …do you all get together and decide on these basics ?? (And if so what the hell did we do to you ..)
Toddler basics :
-Be a perfect gentlemen in restaurants until judgmental mother in law comes around then act like you were raised by wolves (she will agree).
-Decide after three years of potty training that you will have an accident in the middle of the Moms group after said parent brags about how easy potty training came to you.
-Lie about washing your hands EVERYTIME -one of these days they wont do the smell check..this goes for teeth brushing and washing hair as well -if you are lucky enough to have a parent that allows you to do this on your own without hovering.
-Have to go the bathroom as soon as you get 5 mins from the house and 45 mins from the destination.
Now little one in regards to OUR house and family…WHY OH WHY ..
-DO you insist upon stirring the spaghetti sauce ( after waffling for mins about whether or not you want to help ) like the spoon is an airplane propeller and as the sauce paints the house you say ” gosh mom you are always so grouchy all the time ” ?? ( AND JUST TO ANSWER -I WOULD ANSWER THAT QUESION KIDDO BUT SOME THINGS ARE BEST LEFT ON MY HEAD )
-When choosing a book to read must it always be the LONGEST book ? ..( i overheard you counting pages ) what’s wrong with bedtime anyways ??
-Why do you tell on me to dad? Seriously..mom said to aunt so and so you were lazy …mom said to the teachers you never read me just her ….(Ear muffs Max ) WHAT I want to say to Max ..first off your dad is lazy and doesn’t read to you , secondly ever heard mind your own bees wax no ?? well mind your own beeswax ..I was talking to OTHER adults ( hold your shock) and just cuz you heard does not give you the right or intellect to repeat it. And besides I see the smirk when u tell dad ..dont think i dont know what u r doing ..and this is why we watch re-runs of Golden Girls instead of Disney my love -payback ..( ok Max you can undo earmuffs ) Just so everyone doesnt call CPS on me this is what I actually say to max ” That is not appropriate to repeat Max ” and as he argues I walk away like a good parent giving myself a time out ( from Chris as well that is now glaring profusely ) and by timeout I mean bathroom with said wine cup and phone ..ANYWAY I have really gone away from original question…
-this is a statement -JUST EAT THE DARN Veggies..don’t hide I will find ..don’t lie about bites I know portions..lets eat and move on so we can enjoy our Golden Girls during dinner together.
-last but not least my little wondrous child why do you begin to tell a story (that requires much interaction on my part) when :
A. I have just dialed a phone number or my boss calls.
B. We are running late for school/work and trying to get all people and “stuff ” out of the house and into the car.
C. I took a bite of food and cannot answer in the expected .3 seconds.
D. As soon as you dad comes home and we are trying to have a conversation about anything serious.
If you could get back to me now or later that would be great and BTW if you would like to save these questions for when you are a parent you are welcome to .. i promise you will ask these one day to a cutie like yourself ..
Dear funny, personable, adorable 18 year old David,
-Why is it every time I see you -you are rocking a diff look ..Jack Johnson (I need to buy you new flip flops ) Bruce Jennings (you need new running shoes) or every frat boy that ever lived (beer ?? ) ?? Lets pick one ..no ?? that is what your 20’s are for ?? K …
-Why do you sound like I have exhausted all your patience the second you answer the phone ?? Actually don’t answer that it will only hurt my feelings and I am pretending you are mad at everyone around you for talking while you are having such a delightful convo with your mother.
-Clothes -they too need a bath weekly you know this right ? OHH and paying bills not just for your parents anymore.
-Why is driving to you a personal mission to race and not die ?? This LITERALLY keeps me up at night.
-Ok and a surfing buddy is a necessity not an option right ?
Anyway my love not sure I am gonna ask you these now ..maybe wait tell you like me again and we can have a good laugh about it ..
OK SO KIDDOS I do also want to know :
-Have you had a good life ?
-Do you know how much I adore you and how at any age 4 or 18 you are beautiful when u sleep ?
-Do you know I would walk across a thousand deserts without question if it meant something to you ?
And last but not least does the therapist accept payment plans ?
A little throwback Thursday and how I will always see you :