Alone time without hassle

I am 36 (37??) who the hell knows BUT for the majority of my life I have had a child(ren) and a hubby ..this leaves for little to no alone time (especially when you have a little one). Oh don’t get me wrong I have had babysitters,been blessed with trips alone etc, etc BUT on a daily basis I have alone time in the car to and from work signing wildly to Janet Jackson ( no just me ? ) My husband is a homebody ( this is code for deeply in love with the TV ) and Max a roo cannot go play outside by himself yet so if i am home there is no peace

Examples: MAX 

“Mommy why is the ninja turtles not real ?”

“Because they live in our hearts and entertain us in our imaginations.” This begins a whole new slew of questions that ends in me giving Max any food i can reach to occupy his mouth.

Chris 

“Hunny where did YOU put my paperwork that i now need in the next 30 seconds that have been sitting on the counter for three fuckin months ” ( i think he only says the first couple words BUT any who you get the point ) and this begins an all out hunt for the damn paperwork and an lecture AS I AM HELPING HIM about how I throw things out only for him to find it in a file he “didnt put there must have been you “.

SOO you get my point ..anywho so last night I used Eucalyptus oil on my chest for a cold AND Max walked into the room :

ACTUAL CONVO :

Max: What is that terrible smell ?

Me: Its a rub that helps my cough

Max: And hurts my nose !!

 

He ran out of the room ..

seconds later Chris came in 

ACTUAL CONVO :

Chris : OMG Max is right that is awful ..that is giving me a headache..omg i cannot be in here. 

Me: ( hiding a smile ) Sorry you guys may just have to stay out of the room for awhile it really helps my cough.

I laid back and watched re-runs of Frasier… painted my toe nails …read some of a book ( yes with big people words ) …

This was heaven people and on a Monday night ?? 

I texted a couple loved ones about this and their responses: 

“Bath in it “

“Omg send me some “

SO conclusion if you do anything this new year try Eucalyptus oil or mommy needs a fucking break without guilt cream. (might not want to ask at the store by the latter name.) It works and …….now I may have a chronic cough …

 

 

 

 

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Moving on ..

Done with x-mas so now its time for the New Year ..

I need three GOOD new years resolutions …

and I have umm ….none ..

Can you help ?

I am avoiding the “exercise daily” one like the plague cuz its boring -this includes the overdone “eat better “

“Journal daily” was last years 

Save money …LMAO 

SO any suggestions or shares are appreciated 🙂 

Thanks 

 

 

Too Much Good stuff

Need a laugh ? I know I do ..

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READ : IT IS SO WORTH IT (I swear I didnt stop laughing)

 

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I am throwing in some inspiration too I need it :

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DID I TELL YOU Channing Tatum called ? he wanted me to tell you ..yes you  :

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SOOO update ( does everyone role their eyes or skip over this part ?) 🙂

Dave comes out Thursday with Marina ( or as like to call them Velcro twins ) I am so excited to see them both  !! 

Max did great in his Christmas play !! He was quite the great Who in Whoville 

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And a Christmas Poem/Prayer for you  :

May your mistletoe be placed just right ( insert Renée Zellweger movie scene here)

And may the office party go without a fright (open bar for all)

Let your stocking be hung with care (do not start the fire in the fireplace …..just trust me)

May you always hear Santa ‘s magic in the air (enough Merlot and you too shall hear the sleigh bells)

Let us remember the true meaning of the holiday ( and not kill your relatives )

Give what you already have (this is serious)

Love, light and blessings (you can give for free so damn it do it)

AND remember a child’s sweet words about Christmas 

” Remember mommy if Santa forgets you have to go to Walgreens ( how this has become a toy store is beyond me) and get all the rest of my list remember you said to give to this season “-not a quote from MY 4 year old child. Ok NOT a quote from my 19 year old child ..

 

 

 

 

Wine Wednesday

It’s  Wine Wednesday so that means ??? 

Yes …lets drink and complain ..DAMN IT I was born for this day !! 

Drinking First

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( and no I am not its only 2:30 here -okay I know I have drank at this time before and YES on a weekday but I am not right now -I have learned not to drink and blog -the hard way ) 

DID YOU KNOW ?? 

-Skinny Girl Merlot is yummy and WAY overpriced …..

-Our Daily Red only has 120 calories per serving ( and since we all know I stick to only one serving LMAO this is great news ) plus its organic ..and I am on a strict organic diet ..nightly ..( buy online in bulk if you can comes out to about 7.00 a bottle with shipping ) 

-White wine is best (never) or if you must mixed with 7-up or Sparkling water and strawberries and blueberries ..this can make for a tasty breakfast too instead of MImosa’s ..It also pairs well with croissants as I recently found out when drinking this concoction and Costco combine ( haven’t had Costco’s Croissants ?? To die for.. )

-Drinking and driving is a bad combo ..ya know what else is ? Drinking and texting ( duh ) Drinking and the noon hour ( ok unless you are in Mexico then start at the roosters cry ) Drinking alone and looking through old photo albums ( NOT that I know anything about this BUT steer clear-Johny was really not that cool in high school its the wine talking ) Drinking and Facebook instant messaging ( ESPECIALLY anyone that was, resembles or could have been an ex and double especially if they are single and sober ) Drinking and teaching a child to sing Wasted Away again In Margaritaville at age 3 ( I have no idea about this ..just heard rumors ..asking Dave is not necessarily ) Drinking and Chuckie Cheese (I know It seems the only way to get through the “delight ” that is this restaurant BUT trust me I have seen -actually shocking as this may sound I dont drink more than one beer at Chuckie Cheese ..well not really shocking ..I dont like beer -ANYWAY I have seen HORRID things happen to the “Chuckie Show ” when Uncle Mike and Daddy have shared a pitcher ..or the “fluffier ” mommy and best friend Karen try to ride the mechanical horsey …at the same time ..for dollars ….you get the point it’s a really bad idea)

And now the Whine:

10 things I want to whine about ( I doooo ! I doooo ! I doooo !!) 

1. A whiny kid ( hahhah see what I did there ) …..I really do ..and since mine never whine I am very lucky ( INSERT A GIANT SPOON FULL OF SARCASM HERE ) We used to tease Dave that he could “whine the paint off walls “. And Max a roo can turn a simple dinner into an all out plugging your ears hour.

2. Pet Stores -they make me sad and they stink. Lets just not have them anymore and adopt animals if need be. 

3.The Dishwasher ..I have a love hate …love that it washs for me …hate that it requires me to load and unload (Is it too much to ask that my appliance does it all ?) 

4. THE MOTHER F*N Elf on a Shelf …BTW have u seen this ? 

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5.REALLY where the hell do all the socks go ??

6.I am taking out the trash ..everyday now ..in freezing weather ..where the hell is Chris ?? 

7. Driving on CO …let me put it this way …we all get lapped on the freeway by an old lady in a walker ..and my CA plates make a target for the rednecks to spit chew at my windshield ….YUCK !! 

8. Ya know what also please people stop saying friends with benefits (good movie though) You are no longer friends when you have seen each others privates -didnt you get the memo in 5th grade ?

9. Carseats -Buckling in and out and back in again ..UGH Max can do mostly on his own too and its still annoying especially when u have your ass sticking out of the door and its -5 degrees ..let me tell you how well that feels …( I have no idea how mommies and daddies do it with TWO carseats ..(I would train one to help the other I guess).

10. DAVID being so far away ..( whine whine ) I miss him alot (sniff sniff). 

Anyways : Update on the kids :

Dave and Marina wanted to stay in a hostel in Santa Cruz Friday Night ( OVER MY DEAD BODY ) so I appealed to the frugel side of Dave and he has agreed to camp they can sleep in the back of his truck ..( or as I like to imagine -one in the front seat and one in the back -arms length apart ) I am a genius -Hostels scare me and yes partially because of the movie and partially because of the filth.

Max has decided that he will eat and only eat peanut butter hunny sandwiches..dinner time is Cuban missile negotiations and Im pretty sure he has learned to flip me off behind my back. ( thought I saw a glimpse ) 

Im off to get home and have a glass of wine ..make a pb/hunny sandwich ( well played Max ) and try my hardest to get Chris to take out the trash !! Happy Wine Wednesday all ! 

 

 

 

 

 

Green eyed Monster

I am jealous of everyone on Facebook …There I said it

Everyone is successful –

Has beautiful children that get straight A’s and are lettering on one sport or another

Mansions ( might be a slight exaggeration)

Great jobs or love staying at home with their children

Pinterest Crafts that come out perfectly

Homemade dinners nightly ( HOLLY JONES )

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE ?

Here is my life :

How dave views me :

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Max wants me reading :

max sees me

 

My work :

desk

 

,y frigdeI am not joking when i say this looks like my fridge

And I do not have any meaningful intend or fun facts to share on this blog my intent all along has been :

yessir

 

sooo all you perfect facebook friends I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU

MY PERFECTIONS :

perfect