Liars and you look stupid too

Reading a group on Facebook this AM and you were suppose to post “eye-candy “. Attractive men or women -which ever team you bat for -many posted hot celeb’s or hot fireman ( yum) BUT SOME :

Posted ” Here is my husband/wife ..All the eye candy I need ” With pics ( first off beer goggles this early ??  its before noon everywhere )

or my ( barf ) fav :

” I am so lucky to have my daily eye candy “-insert pic of husband/wife .

ACTUALLY to men’s credit it was only women that posted this stuff ..

Ok :

-NO ONE is only “attracted ” to one person -notice I said attracted not dating -you can “”read the menu just dont order “. Hell I find the gas station dude by my house attractive ( 23 is just hot period ) .

-No one thinks your gwetto looking husband is hot except you (me thinks he doth protest too much ?) So please let us fantasize about “real men ” airbrushed and perfect.

-You are not a Victoria Secret model so your husband does not think you are ” All the eye candy he needs ” Trust me.

-Does your husband read your Facebook ?? Or beat you ??

In conclusion ..Let’s all –love our husbands-fantasize about fireman and stop lying on Facebook.

Thank you and :

***This public service announcement has been brought to you by #makesmesick# liars#findarealfantasy

Netflix

Ohhh Netflix how I love thee ..

Ok we all know I dont like TV ..Im just not a TV person per say ..

I also like organic ..enjoy lecturing about using coupons and give kids little 99 cent toys and popcorn or goldfish bags for Halloween ..I hate myself too ..

and FYI on that point I still have toys left over from last Halloween ..apparently kiddos now a days don’t like that ..MY angels on the other hand are so much better :

Max: Mommy I hate all my toys 

Me: Fine we will give them away to kids that don’t have toys and can appreciate the toys ..put the ones you want to give away  in this ( i gave him a bag ) bag and Ill donate tomorrow .

Max: Im not sure all my toys will fit ..I don’t like any of them.

Ohh yes he radiates gratitude ..

Dave ( when he was 5 ) 

He kept leaving his toys out ..

Me : David this basket is here so that any toy you leave out after going to bed I will donate. If you cannot take care of your toys we need to give them to kids that will.

Dave ( surveyed the room ) Grabbed my shoes ..put them in the basket and said Mom if you cannot put your things away we will donate them to people that will.

My children are shining examples of gratitude and appreciation ..

BUT ok Netflix :

LOVE LOVE LOVE !! GET IT !! 

Great shows ..

Orange is the New Black ..( I guess based on a true story ) 

If you can get past the first three episodes and all the lesbian sex -( ladies stay with it ) guys ( you’re welcome ) 

GREAT show 

How I Met Your Mother ..

need I say more ..chris and I have become that annoying couple that quotes from that show from across the party and I text dave random quotes ..( he doesn’t text back ) 

GREAT and funny show …

Ok Chris loves ( girls just check out you will hate ) Breaking Bad ..Sons of Anarchy..

THEY HAVE 13 going on 30 … YES THEY DO ..

and other movies documentaries ..

Anywho from one hippee chick that is not a TV person and would be happy eating off my organic garden ( LETS ALL LAUGH THE FUCK OUT OF THAT -I cannot keep cactus alive thank god for whole foods and sprouts and BTW yes I bolded FUCK I find myself very funny)  

BUY netflix …

can anyone share what they watch ? thanks suggestions requested !! 

 

 

 

 

ohhh my only child …not a brat an only child ( insert sarcasm )

Dave : ‘Actual convo :

some back story ..he got back together with Marina ( PRAISE JESUS ) 

soo of course i send her some things to make her feel better about being alone in a dorm ..

( ok ok I have no daughters and I love her and she is alone -with three roommates -at UCSB ) 

(CORAL be ware I get a little crazy when the kiddos live on their own ..)

ANYWAY 

convo :

dave : “three stickers mom -REALLY COOL STICKERS -she doenst even have her car there ..and i get ONE like last year “

Me : first off every girl needs fun reminders that they are wonderful and I know how much she loves the ocean .

Dave : AND she gets Lara bars ?? and a framed picture about ( yes i died at this ) girl go go power ” ( i cut a pic out of a magazine framed it and sent it to her-it said “you always had the power my dear you just had to learn it for yourself”-Glinda the good witch-perfect right ?? for a girl going to college   ) 

Me: Dave every food package I have sent I wrap each item in fun but cute sayings ..also I framed ur poem about the ocean and sent that to you .

Dave : Mom that doenst even count you bought her these things ..these cool stickers and you know how I love my car.

Me: ( cuz I am that good of a mom ) Dave you were never blessed with siblings so close that u had to share NOW GET THE F over yourself and BTW if u act like this no more food “treat boxes for you “

Dave : mom you cannot take a joke ? I was kidding and BTW how is Max ?? 

OHHHHH Dave …ohhh my little 18 year old 🙂 or only child ..or spoiled brat 

and on that note we did leave the convo like  this 

Dave: actually mom no “shit ” ( really ?? ) you are a great mom just let go and say no once in a while ..max and i will learn from..actually you said no to me alot ..max needs more of that ! ” 

Me : Dave I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL U HAVE KIDS HAVE 5 promise ? 

he had hung up already ..clearly done … 

Buisness in the Front Party in the Back ..The Mullet of all Posts …

 

  • First The Business 

I have to share :

Recipes :

4  chicken breasts -cover ( barley not all the way ) with broth -u can use water

Salt and garlic powder like crazy

Cook 350 for 30 mins ..( check may be longer )

this is the juiciest chicken ever ..You can eat just the breast ( like Max ) but I shred and add to salads or use in a lettuce wrap ..I have added more garlic and salsa and black beans for tacos …possibles are endless ..it’s just a foul proof way to make juicy chicken 🙂

This is from Dave :

Add brown rice to your salads ..helps fill you up so it more like a meal …

Its actually really good I use salsa for dressing so it makes it feel like a taco salad 🙂

Homemade bread -( my version ) Ok we are addicted ..and by we I mean Max ..you go the store : get frozen dough ..defrost ..bake according to directions 🙂 Max thinks Im a genius and WHO KNEW It was so easy ?? Im sure there are much more “homemade ” bread recipes BUT this is so f’ing easy ..:)

Learned this week : 

Moscoto is a dessert …have a “slice ” not the whole bottle.

Trying on new music is fun ..I have discovered .. O.S.S. , Goodie Mob , Mickey Dread, Ben Howard  and many more .:)

Dogs are treated pretty good here in Denver even in shelters I was impressed by the no kill policy in place -only if dog is very sick or very aggressive -they do not kill for “over crowding”.

7 cloves of garlic in boiling water is equivalent to one antibiotic pill.

 

  • Now the party :

Image

 

names_frankly_only_a_mother_could_love_32_photos0

 

names_frankly_only_a_mother_could_love_32_photos1

 

 

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! 

Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed?

A: Neither did I. 

Q: Why is Facebook like Jail?

A: You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don’t really know! 

 

the-mulletQ
🙂 Have the best Tuesday night ever and an even better Wednesday !!

 

Update on everything

I am 100 % well 🙂

YAYYAYA –

Ginger and garlic ..I swear by it !! ( and yes I stunk ) ..Chris asked if I bathed in garlic..NO but tempting !! 

 

Updates on the monkeys :

Max has a new obsession with Ninjas -I am a green one ?? He “hides ” and yells ” You cannot see me ok mommy cause Im sneaked on you ” HAHHAHHA 

Max also has new flash cards which he loves …we take them everywhere ( and they are everywhere ) They include phonics so when we get to the the F and SH Chris and I have to hide our inner 13 year old and keep it clean like “F like Fish ” and “SH like shut ” …

Davey is plugging along ..he drove to San Diego this weekend and spent some time with Grandpa and friends …I really hate when he drives that far alone and he really hates that I feel this way ..and so we agree to disagree -or he ends up saying “ok mom ” “ill be fine -sigh sigh ” and I end up hanging up the phone and having yet another convo with god about how he will protect Dave and I will never cuss again ..

Chris has been a little bit of a fish lately …and by fish I mean raging alcoholic ..I swear I found a Coors Light in the shower ..hmm not sure what happens after I go to bed ..damn those sleeping pills are good …and I can promise you I don’t want to  know ..

Me : well no cold anymore 🙂 so yayaya ..Im looking forward to Halloween and all the upcoming holidays 🙂 Will be painting mini pumpkins for Max’s teachers and making fun healthy Halloween snacks for Max to share ( yes u r right I am THE PERFECT MOMMY )  In all honestly I love doing this stuff…ohh and when my dad and Dave come for Thanksgiving I wanted to make fun place mats ..something cute and individual for each person ..any ideas ?? I have time so even ideas that take a while ?? 

OOHHH And this week=workout week for me ..back in the saddle ( wanna hear the reasons I stopped ?? -ya me either ) everyday no excuses ..

I truly hope everyone has a great week ….That is the goal right ? 🙂

LOVE Max’s face !!:

Image

 

 

 

Under the weather ..Oh and I’m not feeling well..

Under Co weather rules ..there are no rules..it changes daily ..scratch that hourly ..last week was snow ..this week sunny and beautiful …tomorrow rain …the poor weather men/women I wonder how they manage ..its like predicting a preschool class full of ADHD kiddos..anywho this lead to sickness ..like all around me ..Max seems exempt ( too stubborn ) and does not get affected. I too seem to be exempt ( too stubborn ) however at a low point this last week and weekend I caught a “bug “. I am stuffy and coughing and just feel plain old BLAH !! Max has been quite the caretaker ..making my lunches , getting me water , drawing a bath for me which he promptly dove in , and reading to me -my books ” the ones with no pictures about Jesus ” ( Um what?? I’m pretty sure the books I read have no reference to Jesus Max but would you mind telling your grandma that i read Jesus books ? ) and BTW if you have never had a four year old read to you let me give you the low down it goes like this -first five mins are adorable and give a great insite into their little minds and personality ..after 5 mins you are trying to find a way to close ( lose ) the damn book and find 30 seconds of silence . 

SO as I was saying I have a cold …and wanted to share some cool things I found on the internet about this..( also please feel sorry for me 🙂 ) 

I typed in how water can help with a cold ..this is what came up :

As soon as noticing the onset of cold symptoms (usually starting with a sore throat and/or runny nose) take an antihistamine to minimize mucus flow, sneezing, and coughing which can cause the virus to spread within the body much more quickly, initially overwhelming the immune system response, prolonging the sickness and its severity. Slowing down the initial spread of the virus, will give the body more time to develop resistance and fight off the intrusion, likely reducing the time of sickness and its severity. Also, right when symptoms begin, take Cold-EEZE immediately to reduce the symptoms and length of your cold!

LMAO drugs and water apparently one in the same …

I typed in stop a cold :

  • Use a decongestant. Sprays containing phenylephrine (Neo-Synephrine) or oxymetazoline (Afrin) shrink swollen blood..it goes on 
  • Try a pill. ..again explains 
  • Consider an antihistamine.—

 

Whatever side of the “meds VS natural ” fence you are you are on you have to admit its odd that every suggestion ends in a medication.

 

NOW before you say I’m one sided I also found :

 

I typed non medication cold remedies and found :

 Neti pot – Every morning and night, fill the net pot with a small amount of salt (about 1 teaspoon) in warm water to wash out sinuses. The salt kills bacteria and the warm water flushes out the nasal passages. Nasal irrigation can be an effective way to relieve sinus symptoms. 

okay the neti pot just creeps me out ..no clue why I am LOVE with my humidifier.

Ginger – Ginger helps bring down inflammation, clear congestion and support the immune system.  Drink 2-3 cups of fresh ginger tea daily. Freshly grated ginger root (about 2 teaspoons) in a cup of hot water is best but Yogi Teas also makes a ginger tea. It’s great to soothe sore throats too!

I actually didnt know that ..i thought of ginger for the tummy …

Rest – Get lots of rest (massage, anyone?) and sleep (do nothing, seriously!).

LMAO I have a four old and a husband that likes to cook and not clean ..this is the most unrealistic statement ever ..but thx for the suggestion and now for the guilt that I cannot do this ..

Here are some things I like better :

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Love and health to all ..:)