36 year Me to 21 year old Me

I fantasize about having coffee with my 21 year old self and reading this letter :

Dear 21 year old me –

Enjoy bar hopping -you will never recover this well again . ( EVER ) 

Date that dude that owned the coffee shop -you will regret that you didnt give him a chance for the rest of your life. Hell date as much as possible …you need to experience all you can. 

You will learn to budget and you will have more money one day. ( On that note enjoy gas and rent prices now .) 

Fall in love with your girlfriends..yep you will not talk to some you see everyday now for years BUT your love will never leave -and on that note you will talk to some everyday some you knew before you wore a bra and some you met after buying your first car -point being they are just as important to love as a spouse. ( Sometimes more .)

Dave ( I know but we call him Dave now ) will leave for college yes college you will cry and turn crazy but deep down in your heart you will know the years you spent with him just you two and how much you played together and how much you grew together will be so precious and unique it will bridge the sadness into respect and then admiration for the young man he has become and the mom you grew into .

Dance in Mexico and eat that worm( you were always to chicken )-its too scary to visit now and your last memory cannot be the one with Kristen , Kamren and the taxi ( We almost got kidnapped and had to literally dive out of the car while it was moving. ) 

Ok this IS VERY IMPORTANT -you have a rockin body -YOU HAVE A ROCKIN BODY -YOU HAVE ROCKIN BODY !! This will change and you will look back at pictures and kick yourself for not dressing sluttier. ( OHH and BTW enjoy all the Albertos  you can now ..you will never be able to eat like this again ) 

ON THAT NOTE : ( the slutty part ) STOP BEING SUCH A PRUDE -this is the only time u can get away with it. Embrace it now.      ( you will regret that you didnt ) 

You will have many different jobs stop being married to one -you need them all to learn as much as possible and gain the confidence-BUT you will always always love working with kids so please finish college you need that degree to be the teacher you want to be. 

Go to Carson now -tell him off -kick his ass -then hug him and let him know you will be there if and when he decides to get clean. Then walk away -forever -and DO NOT LOOK BACK -you will learn his path has nothing to do with you -it was decided long ago. 

You will not enjoy marriage as much as you think. You will learn so much about yourself though through it. AND you will receive another blessing from that marriage in the form of a rockstar and you will never laugh/smile/dance the same again and you will FOREVER be grateful !! 

Enjoy Cali -dont take the beach-weather or flip flops for granted.

Stop judging organized religion and politics ..you dont know what the fuck u r talking about and you sound like a spoiled brat :). On that note you will go to church on and off alot these coming years and be thankful you did and exposed your children to it .

Love Leslie ..start now you will regret the years you held on to anger.

Some saying I know you love now :

“Keep on dream’in boy cuz when you stop dream’in its time to die “-Blind Melon

” Emancipate yourself from mental slavery none but ourselves can free out minds ” -Bob Marley ( you will be embarrassed that you had this on ur wall ) 

“And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations they are quite aware of what they are going through ” -David Bowie ( this one you will still love ) 

Sayings ( poems )  you love now : ( YES YOU DO ) 

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

-Kahlil Gibran ( this is your fav part of the whole poem ) 

“Never let your fear decide your fate ” -Some song I cannot remember 🙂

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you’ll move mountains.” 
―Dr. Suess ( you LOVE this book -Oh the Places You Will Go-and you cry every time u read it to the kids ) 

 

So Kiddo ( I know but trust me you are young ) all in all enjoy 21 (lay off the tequila though you will never be able to drink it again if you don’t now ) You are thin and in great shape and an active mommy – you laugh easily and without hesitation. You worry less now than you ever will and you will look back and realize you had an impact on people and those people on you .

OHH and before you hit 30 :

Run a marathon-( dont give up on this ) 

Wear a bikini.

Camp in the mountains not a campground.

Travel just you and Dave.

You cannot walk away just yet but start planning now.

Anyways enjoy life one day ( minute ) at a time -no need to rush time will FLY by oh and enjoy those french fries now they will be your enemy all to soon .

Lots of Love, 

( 36 year old ) Grown up Steph 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Insomnia

Insomnia sucks ..

here are some fun pics /ideas etc 🙂

Happy Tuesday !! 

Image

Image

 

Image

 

Image

 

Image

And in all seriousness :

 

excerpts from 60 ways to change your life .

“Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.” ( like day drink or go running hungover )

“Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is.” A choice that can change ..hourly …just ask a married women or gay man 

“While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.” This has way too many similar sounding words ..and im tired .. hopefully it makes more sense to you.

“Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.” May be true BUT i betcha divorce rate would lower if we just lowered our standards a tad and just expected , sex fancy dates and showing off ( ? not sure about that one ..) 

“You don’t drown by falling in the water.  You drown by staying there.” Boys and girls this is the worst public service announcement ever -right up there with “Run with scissors just not all the time ” LEARN TO SWIM AND PUT THE GOD DAMN SCISSORS DOWN !!

 

“If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” If you are lazy this quote is right up you alley …:) In fact might print out and put on fridge I have a feeling Chris would gravitate to it ..

Have a wonderful restful week 🙂 

 

 

 

Noah’s Ark and Moving

For anyone who has no access to internet , friends or TV let me recap what happened in CO-It flooded -like holy shit FEMA style flooded..( and FYI yes they do blare air horns throughout the town when you have to as a local put it to me in Whole Foods ” get your tail home before you become a wet cat” ..side note lay off the weed dude ) Anyways thinking it was a tornado warning Max and got home and watched the TV only to find out it was for flooding ..Oh did I mention we were moving also ?? Yep moving in a monsoon ..who would have thought ? Perfect timing … HAHHA FUN FUN !! BUT we survived and on a serious note it was HORRIBLE in the surrounding cities and some lost lives ….so I am grateful to have been ok .

 

On that note we are in and unpacked ( LMAO ) and by unpacked I mean Chris got drunk one night and unpacked half the kitchen ..I will not go into detail but Im pretty sure Chris mistook Tupperware for vases as the cute decoration self is littered with Tupperware and the cupboard has vases and frames in it ..hmm ..oh and this happened Wednesday..and its Friday NOPE haven’t fixed that shit yet. And by unpacked I mean Max’s room has so many unpacked boxes he ( ok fine I totally helped it was fun ) built a maze where at the end you get rewarded with cake ( made out of soup he found “in the box in the bathroom ” ) SHIT how did I miss him going through that and why the hell is it empty ? And by unpacked I mean I have moved a box out of way to get onto the kitchen now prob a dozen plus times ..just unpack it ?? Crazy talk …

So I ask ..what is a reasonable time to get things unpacked, put away and up on the walls ? I know what my mother would say..but realistically any timelines ? Hints for unpacking -with a very active participant named Max ?? Offer to come over and help ??  Oh well ..

Ill share my highlights with Dave and Max ……

DAVE 

( on the phone of course ) 

Dave : Mom I cannot sleep ( side note Dave has like me always suffered from pretty bad insomnia SO this is not unusual ) 

Me : I know hunny do you want me to send you some herbal meds..they really have been the only thing that worked for me.

Dave: Mom you smoke weed ?  LOL ya send some ..

(a lengthy explanation of melatonin vs marijuana proceeded ) 

 

MAX

Max: Mommy did you know disapprove means try again ?

Me: No hunny it actually means do not do it or its not ok to do.

( long pause ) 

Max ( under his breath ) Well that makes much more sense now ..

HMMMMM 

Have a wonderful weekend all !!

Image

 

 

 

 

 

not really much to say ..

NO really not much to say except stay AWAY from walgreens ..sweetest lady old and fragile got out of her car ..Max and I both ( i have to say to Max’s credit he got nervous with her getting out and made sure she got in b4 us ) ANYWHO she had a bumper sticker on her car that said “jesus is alive ..so is hope and love ” SO as she walked in I said ” Im so glad you have that bumper sticker its been one of those days ( Max looked extra alert -his super power at 7AM ) She god love her frail and cute looked down at Max and said this ” he lives ..he is man if you want to see him tell mommy -( eyes averted to me ) he lives at my church ” 

Max ” He lives in my heart ” and then he continued as I tried to bribe him to SHUT THE FUCK UP with everything on the shelf . ” and mommy said he also lives behind the couch ” ( this is an inside joke between my sis and I ) 

you would have thought I killed her humming bird feeder ( she was old ) 

she came back with the best thing ever : ” no my pastor is jesus he has come son “

and Max came back with the best ever ” Then why are my dinosaurs still extinct ? “

7am and two crazies just made their day view ..

to her credit she glared at me and walked away …

to max’s credit he said ” i hope she finds her dinosaur even if she has no idea about jesus “

AGAIN THIS IS 7AM ..

oh kids and oldies BOTH crazy and I am 26 year old stuck in the middle ( okay add ten years ) …

Had to share # 6 and # 10-my fav ..

Had to share ..HILARIOUS

Yours, Mine and Theirs: 10 Ideas that Sounded Good…Until I Had Kids

Posted by  on September 9, 2013

Before accumulating seven children, I had ideas. They were good ideas, and they had merit, damn it. Those ideas were so soundly rooted into my envisioned future as a parent, I doubted neither their wisdom, nor my ability and desire to carry them out. Wanna hear some? (It’s okay to laugh out loud at my shortsightedness.)

1. Natural Childbirth is the ONLY Way to Go. This particular vow was begging to be broken after 39 hours of labor. I cried for an epidural, only to be turned down because my labor had “progressed too far.” Obviously, it hadn’t progressed far enough, since the elephant in my uterus hadn’t found its way out, right?

2. ONLY All-Organic Baby Food, Hand-Prepared by Me. It was pretty easy to stand on an organic high horse when all I had to do was pop a nipple into his mouth, but when it came time for cereals and other soft foods… It’s a long, long fall from that high horse, folks. I still have the bruises to prove it.

3. Co-Sleeping is Where It’s At. When I was a single mom, co-sleeping seemed like a fabulous idea. Then, I met Mr. Wright, who’d also jumped on the co-sleeping bandwagon. Suddenly, there were seven in the bed — two of them adults with a new relationship to, um, consummate. Commence Operation Nix Co-Sleeping!

4. I’ll NEVER Parent Like I was Parented. Sad, but true… I am two Don’t-Make-Me-Stop-This-Cars, one Wait-Until-You-Have-Kids-of-Your-Own, and a fraction of a Someday-You’ll-Thank-Me from becoming my mother.

5. My Kids will NEVER be “Those Kids” Running Wild in Public. Funny, isn’t it? When it’s MY kids, they aren’t “running wild.” They’re… “High-energy!” “Being kids!” “Getting exercise, because I’m a good mom, and exercise is important!” “(Insert positive spin here!)” Yep… Those are my kids, running up and down the aisles of the grocery, between tables at restaurants, and nearly toppling racks at Macy’s.

6. I’ll NEVER Take My Kids to McDonald’s. I’m vegan, but… They have an indoor playground. And free wi-fi. And coffee. And for the love of Pete, Mama has to get some work done, and these kids will NOT shut up about chicken nuggets — I surrender!

7. I’ll NEVER Bribe My Kids. Frankly, I don’t think of it as “bribery.” I think of it as “bartering.” A cookie, in exchange for all the Legos off the floor, seems like a steal to me!

8. Of COURSE I’ll Homeschool. It’s a skill set I don’t possess — all that organization and planning and follow-through. Also? I realized I like my kids a lot more if they leave for a few hours each day.

9. I’ll Always Be a FRIEND to My Kids. I thought I could be the cool, permissive mom, but… I read the news. Seriously, I know, right this minute, any of my kids could be a victim of: kidnapping, rape, murder, human trafficking, MRSA, SARS, H1N1, HIV, HPV, teen pregnancy (giving or receiving), drug addiction and/or overdose and even (shudder) the twerking craze. No, I have to be a parent. Know what you get by being a “friend” to your kid? You get Miley Cyrus at the VMAs. Just ask Billy Ray.

10. I Will NEVER Lose My Shit and Yell at My Kids. Please, tell me no explanation is needed, here?

– See more at: http://www.momswhoneedwine.com/2013/09/yours-mine-and-theirs-10-ideas-that-sounded-good-until-i-had-kids/#sthash.X9sDZwXT.dpuf

 

Parenting -you are doing it wrong

Let me explain what my life has been like for the past two weeks :

I found Max in the:

Dryer-“Finding all Daddy’s missing socks. ” ( Chris had been fuming earlier blaming me for his missing socks -really ?? I dont even do Chris’s laundry -clearly Max gets it they are in the dryer )

Refrigerator “Putting the lunch meat and sponge away. ” ( Sponge ?? )

Cupboard ” Reading a book by candlelight. ” ( No candle, a flashlight -I really need to explain the difference )

Max has said :

“Fuck it mommy don’t do the dishes ”

“I spy with my little eye shit and I need my butt wiped. ”

” I love daddy a little more but don’t feel sad he is just better at things.”

” I was wondering when school is going to give me my paycheck. ” ( this after a talk about his “job ” is school …

“Dave and I are your babies right mom ? ”

“Yes Max and I would prefer you live with me forever not like Dave who left ”

Long Pause ..

” You are creepy sometimes ”

“That’s what Dave says too Max, that’s what Dave Says too ”

Update on Dave :

He is still struggling with financial aid issues ( HORRID ) and he and his g-friend ( yes my worst fear ) have decided to break up ..BUMMER BUT Dave clearly is handling it well ..as he told me and I quote ” Mom really the most I want right now is a one night stand ” WTF??????????? I told him “Dave we never had this conversation ” and hung up ..called him back and said lets start over ..hahhahha ..

awwww I am clearly fucking up this whole parenting thing..howver I might not be alone :

four year old

funny-parenting-quotes-01

max 2

 

( MAX HAS DONE THIS ..)

 

Max and I have so much in common

I realized today on my run ( walk ) Max and I have some of the same thoughts :

” I want cookies for breakfast ” Me too Max ..well not really I want hash browns covered in gravy with a glass ( gallon )of wine … none the less enjoy your organic cheerios with organic milk and I will have my Ezeciekel bread with nonfat cottage cheese and water …

” I don’t want to clean up after playing ” I have to admit I HATE TO put my clothes away ( toys for grown ups ) and dishes YUCK !! I’m totally with ya ..

” Do I have to take a bath/shower everyday ? ” Yes you do and I wish we didnt have to ..if you have patchouli in your pocket we might be good for a couple days ( in Boulder CO ) it would save so much time in the AM ( for me ) and PM ( for you )

” I want a second dessert ” Me too kiddo except Im thinking your version of dessert might be different then mine ( I mean wine perverts not the other thing 🙂 ) However know when to say when to cookies ( or wine ).

“i’m bored ” I am in CO with little friends and the time difference sucks so yes I am with ya HOWEVER can I request something Max ?? When you are bored lets not get into the soap to create “soup ” for your stuffed animals ..that also consists of toothpaste ( on the upside how you do this within the 5 mins I have started dinner is somewhat remarkable ) On that note can I also request that when you make a “lemonade stand ” we use our imagination NOT the sink, bucket from the sand toys closet  and lemon juice from the fridge ( again how did you do that while i was in the bathroom ??) anyways ..

” Another snack is the ONLY thing that is gonna make it better ” ( this could be a cut ..or sadness or how the hell knows ) Again Max I have found Hot Cheetos makes  ALOT better for me so I am with ya food issues ?? yes and you are now in the same leaky row boat as Dave and I ( any comfort food makes Dave feel better and anything salty for me makes me feel better -I blame my parents and continue to for their grandchildren following suit ..:) )

“Five more minutes ” Here is where being an adult is better kiddo ..I can hit snooze ..Ill kill you and make another one like you if you tried to hit “snooze ” on my head ..:)

OHHHH parenting in my 30’s is so so so diff than ..well actually not really I could the same with Dave when he was little …

Here’s what I think ..the old saying ..GROWING UP IS OVER RATED !! WHAT I WOULD NOT GIVE TO HAVE MY DAD’S FOOD NIGHTLY , his waking me up ( with a broom BUT I DIGRESS ) and his ” hey did u do your homework ? ” or “make sure you get your lunch ” or “hey did you get your lunch/gas money ? ”

SOOO in conclusion Max you and I have the same wishes ( and Dave too ) HOWEVER take on adulthood and you are screwed stay with mommy always ( Dave CO isnt that bad come here )

and Max and Dave’s future therapist thanks me for his vacation in HI …