My name is Stephanie and I am a cheater and a liar

I stood in the shower this AM feeling very sorry for myself. In the last week so many “disasters ” have happened ..each time I have allowed myself a 5 min pity party then moved on HOWEVER this AM was my last straw -I have had it with the bad luck shit and its very difficult for me to stay afloat ..  MUCH less positive -details of these crisis’s are not important but they range from extreme financial difficulty ( a move that may or may not happen -meaning ten days with no home  and a car that may or may not make it daily to briefly name a few ohh and Max’s school as raised tuition) , to Job hunting for me ( I will make more money ) all the while putting out fires for a certain now college goer  ( this is tough 1000 of  miles away especially not to WORRY 24/7 ) Oh and did I tell you my medical bills are now due and over 40, 000??

ANYWHO this all lead me down a fun path of why me’s and why am I being punished god ? And how come it is always so fuckin hard ..then it hit me in the shower a ton of bricks ..

I am a cheater and I lie -this is why my life is out of control -I cheat/lie  daily. Let me list the ways I found myself to be naughty and therefore caught by karma :

1. I cheat at my diet -daily. Example I drink the beet juice ( i know everyone puke ) out of the can and do not record calories-I dont record as much coffee as I actually drink and Im not sure running ( jogging ) counts as THAT many burned of calories. I also don’t add olive oil calorie count or maybe -ok def- the last bite of max’s nutella waffles.

2.Chris knows half the shit that really goes on when he is gone . Max eats in the bed ..I do a crumb check every AM to hide evidence. Hell I eat in the bed. ( This would be appalling to Chris) .We really don’t do many dinners it’s mostly a grazing of food for three hours. ( Chris is a firm believer -and right -in family together dinners promote good manners.) We also listen to highly explicit lyrics when he is gone and dance  to the tunes while Max is in the bath creating more puddles on the floor then one should be allowed and we usually mop up with Chris’s towel-it dries by the time he comes home . This led me into the thought that we also play with play-doh ( Chris banned this toy months ago ) and I have to vacuum to hide the evidence. The upside of this is I can play the role of look how hard I worked AND vacuumed the living room last night while you were at work .  Not sure if all this is cheating him out of the truth or downright living a whole new life when he is gone ..either way no bueno.

3. I cheat Max ..( and Dave when he was this age -not so much though I had WAY more energy back then .)

I have said on any given Saturday -the pool , Mcdonalds, the park , the roadways , Dollar tree etc are closed ( Did I mention I said this at 3PM on Sat?? )

I have also declared time and time again :

” Twinkies ( or anything I deem disgusting ) are made from whale fat and if you ever eat them you are eating Shamu .”

” The mothers handbook insists I give you ( insert whatever awful thing they don’t want from broccoli to spankings ) it was given to me by the doctors when you were born and I have to follow it . ” On a funny note David used to go looking for the handbook hahhahha I told him if he ever found it I could get into DEEP trouble by the mommies association -he bought it hook line and sinker ..:) DO YOU SEE WHY KARMA IS REARING ITS UGLY HEAD …

” If you don’t eat /go to bed /brush teeth (whatever I am trying to get him to accomplish ) you will not grow and therefore never be able to go to college . ” ( I did this with Dave too I made college seem like THE COOLEST THING EVER -now I am regretting that -I wish Dave NEVER would EVER go to college..sick isn’t it ?? I need help )

I’m sure I cheat, lie and steal in other ways but these are the BIG three ..

and on that note :

funny karma funny 3





2 thoughts on “My name is Stephanie and I am a cheater and a liar

  1. You are doing the best you can and no one can fault you for that!! Hang in there!! It always seems like you are just about to hit rock bottom and then it turns around. {{hugs}}

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