Kiddos

I have been so preaccupied ( bitchy ) about my diet that I have negleted to blog about the kiddos so here is some funnies from Max and Dave :

Max first :

( for those that see my facebook sorry for the duplicate ) 

I just got pulled over no not for a traffic violation ( l know everyone is shocked ) I guess my taillight is out and he was just letting me know -SUPER nice cop ..Max was absolutely IN LOVE “OMG that’s a real cop so close to us ” ( the cop smiled ) He told the cop ” If you are ever in the neighborhood come by and have family game night ” ( exact words ) LMAO ….this kid cracks me up ! ( the cop loved it too )

Max has a felt board ( Loved mine as a kid ) SO I made one ..like my mother except the one i made looked like a kindergartner got ahold of glue and felt SO i bought one at micheals on clearence BTW and it comes with themes ( thank god cuz my felt “people ” looked like odd shapes and their “costumes ” looked like defected palm trees ) anywho he has one that is a pirate theme and while dressing the captain of the pirate ship I made the mistake of saying hunny but he needs a beard …”he said this captain is a girl ..and girls dont have beards .. wait mommy do those girls with masks have them ? is that what they are hiding ?” ( after much convo I figured out he was talking about muslim women -huge population out here ) i said ” no hunny that is part of their religion like when the pastor wears a robe ..it just means they are honoring god in their way ” ( BTW CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT FOR HOW I HANDLED THAT ONE 🙂 ) sooo 10 mins later I heard him telling the male pirates -with beards – “its ok the girls dont have beards cuz they are honoring god but if you are into I can hook you up ” WHATTTT ??? and yes that went south pimp Max ..LMAO ..how do you come back from that ?? So I did nothing and pretended I didn’t just hear my son become a pimp or porno master in one fail swoop ..

And last Max story …( when picking Max up from school after a bike day they had ) “mom do you even know what kind of school I go to ? ” UMM yes Max I pay a f#ckin arm and a leg -no i didnt say that -I was slient -he said “the kind that lets kids ride their bikes in a parking lots.. ..like cones are going to keep cars like yours away from us ” Im not EXCATLY how to take that ( dig on my driving ) or are u really gonna be “that ” kid that is obsessed with safety and all the other kids hate ?? hmmm only time will tell here’s hoping its him digging on me or else its gonna be a long school year( s) with the band ..

AND then there was David ..

his are shorter and sweeter ..

Phone convo 

dave ” mom hey sorry am i bothering you at work ? ” 

me : “dave you never bother me ” ( cuz I am the PERFECT mother and cuz he doesn’t live with me and cuz he does more than ask questions like do trees eat people ? ( max actually asked me that on our run ) ..any who ) 

Dave: ” oh ok ” 

Me : “David is everything ok ? :”

Dave : ” Ya ..I am just bored ..but you are more boring than work so I think I will go back from break early “

Me: ” Oh sweetie so the other day…( i went into a 3 min convo about my day the other days and how excited I am to see him ) 

Me: “um hello” ..he had hung up ..YEP work is more exciting then me ..

OHH and Dave also told me 

“dont get mad ” ( k I have been a kid you start out with this NOTHING is good after ) 

BUT i think I am gonna get my tattoo ( ok for the record I AM NOT MAD AT ALL about tattoos -never have been my issue your body your life -after 18 of course BUT really I have always been ok with tattoos not sure why everyone -including my son -thinks i have a big prob with just not my thing -ANYWAY  ) 

“to each his own I say you are 18 ..you can ..and just make sure you want this for LIFE kiddo ..this is prob the one and only thing that is  …like forever ..” 

He said” Thanks mom buzz kill You also deflate kids bouncy houses ??

I said “NO dave really hunny Im trying to support you” ..he said well “support less “

HMMM and EVEN PEOPLE over the phone you cannot win with teenagers ..next time ( or please learn from my mistake) -say “ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU MAY NO MORE GET A TATTOO THEN FLY TO THE MOON ” then they will do it and NOT blame you for not doing it 🙂 aww Dave I am on to you kiddo ..:) 

anyways my children ( one a pimp for bearded women and the other child who seems to think his mother is more boring than work ) and their mommy ….the naked truth ..and no we are really not naked ..( those who know us know we are nudist in our home so had to clarify ) 

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