Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 18, 2013
- This suppose to be funny …I dont get it..hahhaha
- AriesYou’re not the type of guy who gets all mushy, but that will change this week, when they leave you out in the sun.
- TaurusYou bring out the very best in those around you. This week, those around you will include four firefighters, a team of baffled paramedics, and several circus chimps.
- GeminiRemember: Some problems can’t be solved by retreating into drugs and alcohol. Some problems require you to forge ahead into drugs and alcohol.
- CancerYou still have no idea what makes most women tick, despite having asked literally hundreds of certified watchmakers.
- LeoDon’t neglect the spiritual side of your life. Find the best person you know, nail him to a cross, and worship him.
- VirgoThe stars foresee a time of great pain and suffering and loss in the days to come. Or, as they’re referring to it as, appointment viewing.
- LibraDeath will soon take a holiday, leaving you in charge of watering its plants, feeding its two tabby cats, and knocking this Friday on your elderly father’s door.
- ScorpioYou always thought the woman of your dreams was a knockout blonde, but tonight there’s three prescription ambiens that say otherwise.
- SagittariusA deadly game of cat and mouse will play out this week when you spend several hours pawing curiously at your corporate rival.
- CapricornThe rise of Jupiter in your sign indicates that there’s more with actor James Spader right after this commercial break.
- AquariusThey say that chivalry is dead, though it’s kind of hard to hear it when dragging them by the hair like that.
- PiscesFor the millionth time, telling the truth doesn’t technically qualify as a speech impediment.