Cannot make this sh*t up !

So I wish I had a pic of this article ..BUT Chris chucked it so I’ll have to just explain …

It was in the newspaper ask so and so section:

To paraphrase a real women wrote in ” Does Catnip attract large cats ? Like Lions and Tigers ? ( WTF ? ) 

AND 

So and so ANSWERED ” yes it does ..blah blah blah ” ( it went on. ) 

OK WHAT ?? Where do you live Zimbobway ? ( SP? ) The plains of Africa ??..if you have to ask if planting catnip in SUBURBIA would attract lions and tigers it might be time to A. Get a life or B. Lay off the crack paranoid one. On a side note why would this paper agree to ANSWER that question. Just a thought here BUT has everyone gone crazy ? 

A friend of mine-her name is spelled like a Mexi gardner BUT pronounced entirely different- works with a guy that wanted to collect the small plastic punch out holes that they throw away-causally he mentioned to her ..this is what women’s sequence shirts are made of and we are just throwing them all away ?” WHAT ? Are you making women’s clothing in your spare time or just bedazzling your jeans ? Either way NO 50 year machine operator should be.
Again nut-job’s unite ?

THEN my sister tells me she was watching a show where the man is “sexually attracted to balloons ” WTF ??? I have to admit my children have had and still do ( Max ) a love of balloons-“Mommy can I get one ” Mommy I’m sad it flew away ” BUT This is clearly a mental issue for this man ( he is 60 BTW ) Gives a whole new spin on the Macy’s Day parade for him I’m sure !

Have we decided to accept the “walking straight jacket people” as normal ? Did I miss the memo ? Oh well at least they are entertaining ..until they knock at your door at midnight ..then shit just got very real ..hide your balloons is all I have to say !

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IM trying on the B word

Yes “Budget “. 

I need a weekly grocery budget . How much and what to get ? Any advice is needed. I have a slight addiction to the grocery store and am a total sucker for “deals ” that we don’t need. Max and I are home alone prob 4-5 nights a week and I make lunch for him and I daily. If I am being honest I prob spend 150.00 a week -WAY too much for a 4 year old and me. When Chris is home he cooks alot so we usually have leftovers for atleast a couple days …not sure why I am spending 150.00 ..holy shit that’s alot ! I need help clearly !! Tips ? How much do you spend weekly ? Do you shop daily or weekly ? Do i need to cut up all my cards ? Thanks all !! 🙂 

 

Top ten reason Chris should not work 24 hour shifts

10.We are having yogurt Popsicle’s for dinner because it’s hot and leftovers are boring ( my words not Max’s ) 

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9. Max and I followed ( in our car )  a parent we met at the park to another park and played for an hour.

8. They know Max and I  at the library by name and we think it is a special treat when we get to do the leftover crafts the “class ” ( adults with mental disabilities ) that the ladies ( who -or whom ? – by the way are all Russian and think max is their long lost child ) have saved for us.

7. We view Whole Foods as fast food dinners AND a fun adventure. ( We are very obsessed with their adorable reusable bags -and by “we ” I mean me ) 

6.Baths are done in the evenings and by evening I mean 4PM on weekends and we are in jammies by 5 ( yes we- I love a jammy night -it makes it feel ok that we are done for the day by 5 ) 

5. Scavenger hunts through the “woods ” ( this term I use lightly it is a paved trail surrounded by trees never the less woods to me ) is something Max and I both look forward to . ( my life has become this ) 

4. A drinking wine night with friends is done over the phone.

3.Max and I listen to DJ Quik and Mozart in the same day.
2. We spend way too much money at Starbucks ..we just cannot wake up without a mocha and a hot chocolate. ( you can guess who cannot wake up -darn you max addicted already ? 🙂 )
and the number one reason chris needs to be home more ?
1.I have recently convinced Max that Arrested Development is a show that “teenagers like Dave and Marina watch ” therefore I DVR’d all the shows and we snuggle and watch as a treat ” only if he is a good/big boy ” He gets bored after 10 mins and climbs off the bed and plays with his toys ..a win win for all … or a horrid memory one day Max’s therapist might have to decode as your parents tricking you no wonder you have trust issues ..
so chris might want to consider not working these hours .. or be gone for 48 then at least you can say you never knew ..

Friday =Funday !

I want to ditch today ..and since I cannot let me share with you these fun photos of REAL people and why did someone not stop these moments from being documented by photos’s ? 

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Bigfoot goes drag 

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Excuse me miss a bear is attacking you 

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WHAT THE HELL I S GOING ON HERE ?

 

AND THEN THERE WAS MAX ….

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HAPPY FRIDAY ALL !! 

 

Stoked and horrified all in one

So well I should be super stoked my check up today post surgery was an A plus. His words

” well i guess there is no stopping you ” NO kind sir there is not I am a firm believer (not stubborn ) in the fact that my body will NOT stop me ever regardless of the situation. 🙂 hahhha or maybe I havent yet had a situation where i have to ..either way Im glad doc thinks I rock ( the old jewish man that he is-not sure he would know the diff -but whatever I will take the compliment  ) Anywho I was HORRIFED at the metal machine they used to check me in ..the scale ..I havent seen my weight since before Max was born ..Im sure I have been weighed right ? post child ? pre-surgery ? I guess I just didn’t actually pay attention until today. I have LITERALLY badgered friends about not paying attention to the scale ..”it means nothing ” “It’s how you feel ” ..WRONG wrong wrong and I apologize for my assumption that the scale means nothing. I asked the ( poor ) nurse probably four times “what ?” ” are you sure ? ” should i take off my shoes ? ” ( I almost said “that’s all boob weight right ?” but i didnt ) OMG clearly I have been in the dark about what I weigh ( or what I  look like ) to the doctors credit -when I asked him am i overweight to the point of concern ? He said how do you feel ? I said horrified . He said then yes you are but good news you are able to fix that. Yayyyaya now I am control and I cannot BLAME A SOUL on this ..thx doc and really thank you I now know what I need to do …or NOT do ..( close your mouth porky pig ) anyone have any good advice ? I do eat good just not low-fat ( who knew organic does not mean low fat ?? ) I have been getting back into exercise doc “cleared” me today -i have been walking for a week now -oops – anywho any advice on motivation and or diet tips would be great ..and on a happy note ..max a roo is making “invitations to HIS graduation” ( he knows I have been working on dave’s )  here’s what they look like ..and BTW each one is addressed to people he knows and i have to “mail ” at work 2morrow ..

( jammies and pics go good right ? ) 

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When the Wife’s Away… A “He Says” Commentary

(I shared on FB too ) 🙂
this is how i feel about dinners …after working and traffic I have zero patience to cook ..I want to hide under my laundry -clean ofcourse i have boys -pile too hahaha and also I am a TERRIBLE meal planner I stray often and ……….
who is his wonderful wife that does it so well on a regular basis and is she for rent ? Chris would LOVE her

He says: 

Recently, Courtney went out of town for a business trip and I took over family management in her absence. Keeping the kids on schedule and tidying the house fell to me. Smugly, I looked forward to an easy week of fun times with the kids, evening bike rides, and maybe even an after work beer with friends!

Of all the household management responsibilities, dinner planning was the big surprise. It started off pretty good.

Day 1: I grilled Italian sausages, with a side of steamed broccoli and carrot sticks.
Day 2: Beer can chicken with wild rice and salad. (I sent a picture of this to Courtney and even posted it to Facebook. I was proud.)
Day 3: Nachos, fresh celery sticks and slider hamburgers for those who don’t like nachos.
Day 4: Spaghetti with leftover sausages, and leftover salad.
Day 5: Something with leftover chicken…
Day 6:

View original post 268 more words

Questions for you !

 1.What is a Goo Goo Cluster ?? Has anyone had one ?

2. Best way to brush a 4 year old’s hair ( who hates his hair combed.) ?

3.Homemade salad dressing recipes ( besides vinaigrette ) ??

4. When does I’m drinking a lot of water become quit drinking so much water fishy ? (in ounces please)

5. Links to funny pics/jokes etc ?

6.Why does my husband think its funny to tell me he and max are at the “booby bar ” First off have you not met me ? Max is my second if he is occupied and I can have some wine to myself he could be at the moon for all I care. Secondly this joke has been done to mommy’s all over by daddies and their dads and their dads -hang the shit up already not funny anymore.

7. Anyone else ever received an email like this ?

Hi Stephanie Droegemueller,

This is to let you know that we removed one (or more) of your Pins as a result of a copyright complaint. The complaint was not directed against you or your Pin. It was reported by Julie Chiou and directed against another user who Pinned or re-Pinned the same content from the following address:

http://www.tablefortwoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/holy-yum-chicken-tablefortwoblog-2.jpg

While many copyright owners are happy to have their content Pinned on Pinterest, we recognize that some do not want their content to appear on Pinterest. Where, as here, a copyright owner notifies us that they want their content removed under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (“DMCA”), it is our policy to remove the allegedly infringing Pin, as well as all other Pins that contain the same content if the copyright owners so choses.

Again, this complaint was not directed at you, or anything you did. We just thought you’d like to know why we removed your Pin.

Happy Pinning and thanks again for using Pinterest.

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Pinterest DMCA #ID 2128742852

And the more important Question of all ..

IS IT REALLY ONLY F’in Tuesday ??